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Clarence was already salivating as he deployed his four-paw drive system in the direction of Lady GG but Gaga is from the streets of New York and she always checked her rear three quarter when alighting a vehicle. She spotted the approaching feline fur-ball so dropped her hand bag, hitched her frankfurter frock and burned up the red carpet to the safety of the theatre leaving Clarence sniffing salami but only eating dust. She had covered the 100m distance from the kerb to the lobby in an impressive 9.57 seconds, an achievement that would irk Usain Bolt throughout his professional career. Clarence was captured two days later and sold to a woman called Carol Baskin who owned a private zoo in Tampa, Florida where he lives peacefully to this day. 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